While Summer is technically not over, and the evil heat orb outside certainly keeps reminding us of it, in my heart she’s done. It starts with R going back to school and Bee going back to Japan. While the time was nowhere near as long as I wished it could be, it’s always a blessing to have Bee back for laughs, her checklist of gluttony and just getting her energy gracing our home. The timing of this visit wasn’t lost on me since she was here for us when Judas got sick and having her support was a fucking gift. It’s almost like she waited for Bee to be here. Despite the lack of time, it was great to do the things we would usually do if she was here: a weekend in Baja, a tasty dinner at Cesarina (a new personal favorite), the traditional pilgrimage to In-N-Out straight from the airport.

R started her Senior year and it’s wild to think she will be 18 in a month. She’s already registered to vote! Where did the time go? That cusp of adulthood is a weird but also an enthralling thing to watch. It has already been a flurry of senior year “things” which will no doubt ramp up as the year progresses. Even seeing her in the cap and gown for her senior portraits was a punch in the feels. I don’t think she truly realizes or knows, despite my telling her, how proud I am of her. How grateful I am to even get to be a part of it all. To be present as much as I have in her formative years is a gift I could never get back. Yes, they came with a lot of turmoil and hardship, but it also has taught us both a lot about perseverance, accountability and what truly matters. Time is the greatest of thieves and I try my best not to squander it. I look forward to what the year to come brings for her. Parenting comes with no manual and I’d like to think I did good thus far, all things considering. I can only hope I have helped arm her with enough weaponry to navigate the next wave of life.

Summer was all about reunion and… departure. Truth be told, I miss my familiar. A month has gone by since Judas left us – not very long and an eternity all at once. I have my days where I make peace with her departure and it being the nature of things. Sometimes we don’t get all the time we hoped for. Her remains came back and holding what is left of her in my hands was gutting. Sometimes all it takes is something simple, a sound, a photo and I am a flood of tears all over again. Her absence is felt. I see it in the spaces that she once filled, now vacant. The stains in the door frames from where she rubbed her face remain. The box she last slept in, still sits on the bathroom floor – her brother is usually seen in it now. I can’t bring myself to remove them just yet. She is missed and it’s palpable. Entering a spooky season without my black cat and friend is just something a bruja should not have to endure. I am very lucky to be shown so much care and support in this process: the messages, notes, gifts, downpour of flowers. I am not sure what I have done to merit the abundance but I try not to question it and just embrace it.

I decided to take a break from the monarchs. It is a lot of work, milkweed is expensive (and they ate A LOT) and after losing Judas, my heart kind of needed a break to tend to me. I successfully hand reared and released a good 40 monarchs! Some didn’t make it that far, sadly. That said, it was a really rewarding and joyous thing to do. Especially taking care of Lt. Dan. All things considering I learned how to do something new! Definitely something I will be doing again when the time and season align.

+/-
+ Picking passion fruit in the front yard with my t-shirt as a basket
+ The smell of freshly cut grass
+ The way He says “Miss Garcia” that will never get old and daydreaming of our next convergence
+ Laughing and talking shit with Bee + Liz
+ Shopping with R and Mai and how R’s pants fell down at Joanne’s
+ The frequency of having Dinah so close
+ Mini-verse potions with R
+ Trying new things – and it working out
+ Parting ways with things that don’t serve me and just take up space
– Not having travel plans this year
+ Plotting a Baba Yaga house for an upcoming art show
+ The looming possibility of very large change
– Change can also be scary and nerve-wrecking
– When people you haven’t seen or spoken to in years are still festering and gossiping about shit you supposedly did.
+ The flurry of colors the sky has been giving as of late
– The unfairness of it all
+ Strolls through Home Goods stacked with Halloween loot. Free serotonin!
+ How good a liberal use of the block button feels
+/- Optimism, even when it’s cautious
+ KAOS on Netflix was great – made want to do more Greek Mythology art
+ Lady Gaga + Bruno Mars duet. Talk about caliber vocals!
+ Ethel Cain and Chappell Roan on heavy rotation.
+ Plotting Fall, Halloween and birthday shenanigans (18+50! the. fuck.)