Traveled/Visited: Tucson to see Ginny, Saguaro National Park, Mazatlan with my family + R, Barcelona with my Devil. (again! *swoon*)
Shows: The Cure, The 1975
Bucket list ✔️: La Sagrada Familia
Music / 2023 Albums/Releases:
Sleep Token – Take Me Back To Eden
Labrinth – Ends and Begins
Full Of Hell/Nothing – When No Birds Sang
blink 182 – One More Time
Truth be told, there is just so much damn music in my life. It is a constant of new, old, every genre in the book. And the best part is R sharing in it with me and in some cases, corrupting me with her taste which is always welcome. She got me on some good shit this year. I made a playlist of some of this year’s bangers and they absolutely do not go together but ask me how much I care. I am all about being broad. You can listen to that nonsense here
Favorite Scents:
Chiffon by Solstice Scents
Caramel Oud and Lemon Tart, both by Theodore Kalotinis
Firecracker Pop by Bath & Bodyworks (cause everyone needs a cheapy body spray)
Qaed Al Fursan by Lattafa
Lord of Misrule by LUSH
Stroopwafel by Scent Trunk
Notable Good Moments:
Road tripping desert adventures with Ginny and seeing the saguaros!
Barbie movie in corpse paint with R
A very overdue visit from Stephen
Taking R to her first Cure show and getting to share it with Brent.
Every. Single. Sinful. Delicious. Thing. About Our trip to Barcelona – I fucking adore Spain.
Hotpot Friendsgiving with the Chicago coven
R turned 17, Lucifer 2, Gomez & Judas 12, me 49. (the last year of my 40’s. whoa)
A nice dent in debt reduction that was a heavy burden
Listening to R singing in the shower, laughing from the confines of her room and taking her shopping to the Affliction warehouse sale – seeing her smile and be excited will always make my day.
The Hard Stuff:
Ending a connection – while for the right reasons, still hurt.
Mom making her transition into another realm and ending her battle with Alzheimers
Witnessing the corpse roadkill on the freeway – that is something I won’t soon forget
Almost losing Gomez and the vet bill damage to save him.
Parting ways with “friendships”. It’s a good thing – but going through it and seeing how little people value loyalty and transparency is disappointing to say the very least.
Arriving to the realization that I have trauma that I need to work through, still. Sure, there has been vast improvement but you don’t realize just how deep things like gaslighting and betrayal permeate and seep into things until someone inadvertently walks into your field of land mines. At the very least there is still so much more awareness and accountability for my part – makes navigation a lot smoother.
****
2023 was the year of reconnection. While all were short-lived in duration, I got to see so many of my absolute favorite humans who happen to live far. My sisters all at once along with our Dad, some of my besties, most of the Chicago-coven and my British star. The privilege doesn’t escape me, especially in this day and age where safety, time, health, life, finances are tougher to line up for many. I hope it maintains trajectory because I really needed it this year. I went through one of the most painful things someone can endure and then we went straight into the pandemic so I had to sit with a lot of things, on my own in so many ways. And then my mom died. The fact that so many beautiful reunions came to fruition only makes me prioritize those connections even more – especially with those who value me, my time and are filled with ease & wonder. Life is entirely way too short to surround myself with those who don’t provide selfless care, safety and love. And my circle is fucking MEDICINAL. More, please.
As is with many of my new traditions, I drew my one tarot card for the year: Strength. She got chased by The Sun, The Lovers and the VI of wands. All a wonderful indicator of what is to come. I find it rather fitting and no coincidence that R pulled the exact same one on her deck.
2024? Not sure what I want from her just yet – I know I need to elevate my game in many places – especially career-wi$e, my art, my health. But also know that there’s solace in a place where I can find acceptance in being content where I already am. With who I am. With what I do have. Sure, there is always room for change but I treat it as evolution and growth, not this whole “new year new me” nonsense people like to sign up for.
This foundation, at my core is already solid and the experiences I have endured, good and bad, have brought me to this very moment. I like quite a bit of me – I lean into kindness and honesty and it is because of my experiences and hardships, I know when I see good, when to pick out a phony with greater ease and why I love and protect with the viciousness that I do. One thing I do know: It will be a lot less talking and a lot more doing. Showing the fuck up for myself, for my brilliant daughter and those who are worthy of me, my sanctity and grace.
Consistently. Ferociously.
